Professional Procrastination

A friend once told me about this hat that she almost bought her dad. It stated, "I put the PRO in procrastination." I was very amused by the words on this hat. I am a closet and self obsessed professional procrastinator. In fact, it has taken me decades to perfect this art. It is a difficult art to master. I always put off till tomorrow what I could do today, because if I didn't I would not have anything to do tomorrow. I like to speak my grand plans out loud to anyone who will listen.
"Oh, yes," I say with pride," I am going to plant four dozen rutabagas, and cook for 50 people and single handedly plan my next church social."
I then have to quietly think of how I am going to get it done. Mostly this is done, by either paying someone else to do it, convincing or tricking someone else into thinking that they have to do it, or actually doing it.
Now most of the time, I actually do whatever is expected of me. I am a master at finishing something in the eleventh hour. I am a school teacher by trade, and the more teachers I have gotten to know, the more procrastinators I have discovered. You see teaching is all about delegation and procrastination. I can't tell you how many times I have been up all night completing grade reports at 2am. Then when everyone sees how much I have to do and then sees me finish the task with a no sweat attitude. I hear them as they whisper under their breath, "How does she do it all? I wish I had her time." Well, I was given a special gift at birth, I am and forever will be a woman.
I don't know where the "I can have it all" attitude originated. I am not sure if this all started with women's lib or Martha Stewart, but I am beginning to see that frankly women can't have it all. To be honest I don't want it all. All of "it," OK maybe only most of it, is a headache. I wasn't born a woman to constantly try to be a man in today's world. I use the "OH my goodness, Rhett. I am about to faint" card as much as I can get away with. I am a woman after all. I may be a professional procrastinator, but if I were perfect what would I have to write about today? Cooking , cleaning, organizational tips, and crafts made from tree bark. I don't think so. My name is not Martha Stuart, of course, I wouldn't mind if my friends called me M. Diddy.